I sat on the couch watching my daughter play with her toys; my eyes starting to fill with tears. Feeling overwhelmed and beating myself up for how the day had gone. I lost my temper and yelled at my daughter, being snappy with my husband, feeling mentally off yet again, and overall frustrated. Feeling like all the progress I have made in the past year was wasted and gone. I felt like my best was not enough. No one was telling me that it wasn’t, that was just how I felt. And it would be a lie if I said it was only one day I have felt like this. This is a feeling I often have. So what do you do when your best doesn’t feel like enough?
When Your Best Doesn’t Feel Enough, Pause and Evaluate.
I’ve noticed when I get into this slump where I start beating myself up and being hard on myself, that I am often going to fast through life. I haven’t paused in a while, and I haven’t breathed in a while. I get so focused on the things that are going “wrong”, that I don’t take a second to see all the things going right.
If you find yourself if this space and feeling like your best isn’t enough, I encourage you to take a step aside for a moment and reevaluate. I know you feel tired, warn out, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Just take a minute. Are you feeling this way because you have just been going too fast and not taking a second to feel the progress? There is a lot of power in the pause.
Write Down Your Progress.
It is so easy to discredit all the progress that has been made on a bad day. It can be easier to see what we are failing at than what success has been happening. So, taking 10 minutes to write out the successes and progress (big and small) you have noticed can be a great way to shift the focus. An even greater practice is getting your family involved. Whether that is including your spouse, kids, or other loved ones to shine a light on not only your progress but see how the whole family is progressing. Keeping in mind that you are focusing on the successes. If you need to round back later to further discuss things that can be worked on, that is great. Just keep this session focused on the positive.
When Your Best Doesn’t Feel Enough, Take Some Time to Recharge.
This one is kind of similar to the pause and evaluate point, but I want to take it a bit further. The pause and evaluate is more the moment. But when you get to a point where everything is making you feel like you are failing and not enough, it is good to take some time for yourself to realign and center yourself. This would be a good time to go for a walk, do that fun thing for yourself that you have been putting off, get together with a friend, write, color; do something to distress. Remind yourself that you are important and worthy. Because you are.
Remind Yourself of Your Why.
When I get into this headspace, I get discouraged. I start asking myself questions like “Why am I even putting all this money into therapy when it isn’t even making a difference?”, “What is the point?!”, or “Why is it not enough?”. All of these questions have a common theme, don’t they? For one, it discredits ALL of the hard work I have put in. The countless hours learning how to and practicing grounding myself, the therapy sessions, the progress, the healing that has taken place, the time figuring out my medications, all of it. That is not fair to me, my family, or the healthcare team that has been dedicated to helping me.
It is HARD to pull yourself out of this way of thinking. Especially when there are a lot of big emotions surrounding it. When your best doesn’t feel enough, the biggest thing that has really helped me in this is remembering my why. Why am I getting help, why am I working so hard? My why is going to differ from yours, but I know your why is just as powerful.
Small Progress is Still Progress.
I want you to know that I see you. Healing is messy, hard, and can be a real pain in the butt. One of the biggest lies I believed about the healing process is that you can only experience big progress. And if it wasn’t big, it wasn’t happening. What a discouraging LIE that is, and how awesome is it that it is not true! The TRUTH is that small progress is still progress and that is still worth celebrating over. And that is what we should all do, CELEBRATE! You are healing and you got this! Just keep swimming.
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