Dear Mama,
I see you. Talking with your mama friends about your kiddos starting school this year. Them telling you how much they cried and didn’t know what to do with themselves when their youngest walked into that building with her big sis. You wondering what is wrong with you because you were excited for them to be in school.
Mama, are you wondering: What is wrong with me??
Here’s what is wrong with you: ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING!
I’ll never forget dropping our oldest daughter at Kindergarten. I held it together until her little class walked into the building. Then it rushed over me. I cried. Dangerously close to an ugly cry in public. I had a few minutes to pull myself together before I had to turn my attention to getting her little sister off to morning preschool.
When we were bringing our youngest daughter to Kindergarten, I expected to have the same reaction. I expected the tears, but they didn’t come. Instead, I felt a sense of peace and excitement. What the heck was wrong with me?!
To cry or not to cry?
Now, you may be thinking, “So what? Maybe you’re just not a crier?”
Au contraire, sweet Mama! I AM a crier! I cry when I see the old couple holding hands on their walk. At the hallmark commercials where the neighbors surprise each other with cards. At the medal ceremonies in the Olympics. All the dang time!
To not cry in a moment when I was “supposed” to cry felt extremely foreign to me. Why had I cried with her sister and not with her? Did that mean I loved her sister more? Was it “bad” that I was truly looking forward to having both of my kiddos in school all day?
No, it wasn’t bad. I didn’t love her sister more. There was nothing wrong with me. What was wrong was the expectation I was placing on myself that if I wasn’t feeling empty when they went off to school, it meant I was a Bad Mom.
Wanting time for myself didn’t make me a Bad Mom. It made me human. Similarly, focusing my days on my businesses and my home responsibilities didn’t mean I didn’t care about my kiddos. It meant quite the opposite, actually!
Being different isn’t being wrong
Mama, there is a need for all types of people and personalities and parenting styles in this world. How you feel about your kiddos being in school is exactly that…how YOU feel! Furthermore, tell those societal expectations of how you’re supposed to react to take a long walk off a short pier. After all, YOU decide what feels right for you.
And if that means high fiving mamas in the parking lot and enjoying the heck out of your days from pick up to drop off, then so be it!
Yours,
A Fellow Mama Who Didn’t Cry at School Drop Off
