“Emotional intelligence is learned and learnable by everyone; whereas intellectual intellect is not learnable. The daily practice of doing emotional labour is what develops emotional intelligences. In the beginning, the practice often requires a ‘leap of faith.’PeoplesQuotes.com
Questioning IQ’s and Answering to Emotional Intelligence
Overrun by feelings of not being smart enough? I am right here with you Sisters. “I am not smart enough” was ingrained from my childhood. One of my self-limiting beliefs, that in moments cripples me. Yet I have learned from my daughter it’s not always about how smart the world says we are. Rather it is how I can tune into my unique mind by tapping into my emotional intelligence.
Intelligence is something we all know about. As for being emotionally in tune or heart-centered, well it can feel few and far away. The IQ (intelligence quotient) of a person determines how smart they are. Or does it?
Firstly, what about our inner intelligence when peoples IQ’s run below standards? Secondly, what about the mass population that doesn’t feel smart enough for the world? Thirdly, how about millions of people with disabilities (15% of the population)? Fourthly, is it our IQ that determines how smart we are?
Who are we to judge and shove people into dark corners for being different? Is it the head or the heart that determines our smartness? Perhaps it lays beyond, within emotional intelligence.
Numbers: The Judgment of Being Smart Enough
Children acquire discernment at young ages by being graded and compared by parents, teachers, family, friends, and even strangers. GPA (grade point average) and test scores measure our perception and if we feel smart enough through numbers. Numbers that tell us if we are average, gifted and talented, have learning disabilities, special needs, and our spectrum of the mind. Some of us have a different purpose on this planet. I imagine a world that leaves testing behind and measures how heart-smart we are. This truly matters more.
Einstein had an IQ of 160-180 which qualified him as a genius. Some say he had Autism. Testing shows a 100 is an average IQ and anything below a 70 is an intellectual disability. With billions of people on this planet, we all have a different purpose. As for these numbers, they can help if we allow them to, or equally hurt us if we give them power. Because after all, these are only numbers and their meaning resides with us.
After years of questioning and trying to better understand how our daughter learns, my husband and I decided to go through the spectrum of testing. And then months of waiting and thousands of dollars of testing gave us a sliver of answers. Perhaps we always knew about Juney, and it seems like this was one of those confirmations we “thought” we needed from the world.
Labels: The Harsh Reality
Reading the pages that contain labels about my daughter brings a soft stream of tears down my cheeks. Learning disabilities, dyslexia (a reading disability where words jumble up), dysgraphia (a writing disability), a math disability, anxiety disorder, and the big bang Autism or ASD Autism Spectrum Disorder. Yet what those tests forgot to spotlight is Juney’s compassion and her ability to always forgive (emotional intelligence). All of these alleged “disorders” and unfathomable labels spider web into unique processing. And then we learn our daughter’s IQ, a 71. Which is mostly a relief and a cry for better understanding.
Finally, after years of blame, I allow myself permission to grieve for my child. It hurts here, deep in my heart chakra. No matter how many of these tests I read, I am still a mother. I used to believe it was me. I was to blame for all of this. Blame for her learning disabilities, her sensory needs and her processing. And finally, as my husband and I hear Juney is on the spectrum, I sit with all of the pain and frustration and guilt. Grief suffocates me and I allow it in. In moments it still hurts yet the pain has softened.
This is when I began soul searching, questioning IQ’s and their real meaning.
What Does Smart Enough Really Mean?
What we determine, our perception of being or feeling smart enough, or good enough is how we determine how smart we are. These perceptions are formed at young ages, between zero and seven. Learn more about these childhood programmings HERE. Experiences and people set the tone for our belief systems and we can’t help but climb aboard with them.
Many people live life believing they have no purpose because of the false belief “I am not smart enough”. Waking up every morning like a zombie, reaching straight for the smartphone, overpowered by everything in sight. Being a slave to media, social media, all thoughts are dominated by what they tell us.
Everyone has a different purpose, some are born to be Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers, healers, writers, artists, and some people, by chance, fall into a trade. Like my husband a Master Electrician who began his career at twenty and after fifteen plus years, decided he was smart enough to partner and open a successful Electrical Contracting company. Running on a high school diploma and a license declaring he has mastered his trade. A master is someone who has done something 10,00 plus times. Something we never would have believed was possible until he just did it.
Self-limiting beliefs are what keep us stuck in thinking “I am not smart enough”, and I am not good enough. My daughter has taught me confidence beyond comprehension. Yes, on paper the grades, the diplomas, and the licenses prove our smartness. Only I question, what about our emotional intelligence?
Becoming Emotionally Intelligent
Being emotionally intelligent is how we can come back to believing, “I am smart enough for anything that comes my way.” It means tapping into the intuition, the gut instinct. Many moms may resonate with maternal instincts. When we are scared shitless to become a mom for the first time and then like magic we just know what to do by listening to our babies.
Moving from the thoughts of unworth and hating who we are, to knowing this unique personality and mind of ours is what makes us, us. This rather unique spirit, mind, and body. Most noteworthy, the brilliance that is who you are. The one and only you of the seven billion people on Earth.
Allowing the vast range of emotions to flow without pushing them away. Especially the emotions of shame, fear, guilt, resentment, and blame. Yes, most women strive for happiness, like the popular saying goes, “A happy wife means a happy life.” Sometimes happiness may be something that feels universes away. What about acceptance?
Reach For Emotional Acceptance
As a result, when we reach for emotional acceptance for this moment, is when an allowing can unfold. Naturally, resistance will arise, if you are anything like me it will take diligence and actual work. Being aware of how we are trained to shove emotions down. Acceptance with love and compassion is possible.
Acceptance doesn’t mean we are settling. Accepting is showing up in this moment as you. Just you, exactly as you are. Part of what makes us human is actually allowing ourselves human moments.
The What, How, and Why of Emotional Intelligence
1: The WHAT. Be the knower of yourself by turning inside and honoring how you work. This means paying close attention to the way you respond and react. In reactionary moments pause, breathe, and approach from a different perspective. Perhaps you can step back and notice yourself in response mode verses reaction mode. As you turn into better understanding yourself, you are able to maintain focus and attention to what you want. By doing so you are responding how you choose, which means you are growing your emotional intelligence.
2: The HOW. Become open to listening to your intuition or tuning into your gut instincts. This means feeling into what you are doing. Pay close attention to the signals and the sensations of your body. Ask yourself – does this feel good in my body or bad? Notice where it arises, the head, heart, stomach, hips, knees, take a full-body scan and take note of your physical self. If it feels good keep going, if it feels bad take a step back and re-evaluate. Our instincts are almost always spot on, if and when we are in alignment with how they work. In turn, becoming intuitive is being emotionally intelligent.
3: The WHY. Bring authenticity into this moment. This means being who you are, just you, and trusting yourself. You are one of a kind and the world needs you. There are moments where authenticity can feel far away. Yet when we can bring acceptance with love and compassion we are stepping into our authentic emotionally intelligent self.
Allowing these three essential pieces of who we are to attract the energy of emotional intelligence. As we navigate into our own emotional intellect we are stepping into ad claiming our personal power.
A Woman’s Point of Power
You are wiser today because of everything you have endured up until this point. This is a woman’s point of power, for you to know you are smart enough, all of the answers to your questions live within you. You are the right age, your body is beautiful, you are pretty enough, you are strong enough, and that even means moments of being human and melting into weakness and just sitting with it. Love to you, my beautiful emotionally intelligent Sisters.
Learn 6 seconds of Emotional Intelligence, from how to know yourself, choose yourself, and give yourself HERE.
An Emotionally Intelligent Girl with a Different Purpose
This bright light I am blessed to mother is beyond book smart, she is heart centered. A friend told me how brilliant Juney’s emotional intelligence is. As this moment sinks in, I shift. Into my emotional-self, transmuting what being smart means to me.
In moments when I struggle, lost inside of overwhelm, or trapped inside of family drama. Juney pauses and puts a hand on my heart. “It’s okay Mama, open your heart to love. You don’t have to feel sad anymore.” My guardian angel brings tears to my eyes and helps me remember the truth. Universally I understand her purpose is deeper than diplomas, doctorates, or degrees. Juney’s purpose is to open me up to better understanding myself, and guiding me to my intuition and allowing me to be who I am.
Find tips to nurture your child HERE.