I set out on a journey about 3 years ago. A journey of stabilization and healing. At the beginning, there was desire to heal and get better but there was no determination or drive. When I got pregnant with my daughter the drive started to kick in, but after she was born that determination set in. I was all in and needing to do some serious work. I needed to heal and to get better. The healing process requires determination.
Gaining Determination
When I started to see my psychiatrist and therapist, I was very passive. My psychiatrist would give me poor advice. I let him tell me that the reason I was still depressed (when having Bipolar Two) was because I wasn’t doing things to help my mood. He told me it was no longer a medication problem, which I disagreed with but did not say anything. My therapist helped set a good tone and foundation for my next steps, but it started to become less helpful. There was no drive or determination to do anything about it.
I gained determination when I realized things were not working, and I realized that I was hurtling myself and my relationships by staying stagnate. I was not getting better, I started getting worse! That is when I started looking at alternative therapies. The healing process requires determination. And I found mine when I realized I was getting worse and not better. I realized I needed to make a change.
Doing Something About It
The first step is recognizing the issue. The second is actually doing something about it. I made the decision to try a new therapy and that was one of the best decisions I could have made. I have a great therapist and we have been doing some really hard work. The determination and fire that I have to get better has shown and I have started to heal in ways I did not know was possible. Things I thought I would always struggle with every day, have been muted. Determination to do something is a life changer.
The easier thing is to do nothing about it. It is easier to avoid the problem. In my experience, it is easier for a while…then it gets worse. A LOT worse. However, when you put in the hard work you can see the healing. You can see the hope. The healing process requires determination. It requires vulnerability. And it is worth it.
The First Step is the Hardest
It took me a very long time to do something about it. To commit to healing. That first step was the hardest for me. Sure, I am doing a lot of work that is not easy by any means, but that first step of deciding to get help and following through was the hardest. Embracing the hard and making that change has been a game changer in my life.
If you are facing a decision of whether to take that first step or not, I want to encourage you to take it. I know it is hard. I know it is scary. But you can do it and you will not regret it. You’ve got this!
