I’m sorry for judging you! Recently I stumbled upon a similar title while scrolling through my social media feed. Immediately, without even reading the article, my mind summoned a whole range of thoughts from the depths of my subconscious. Thoughts that I hadn’t allowed my conscious mind to occupy for some time.
The reality is that ‘judgment’ was something that featured greatly in my past. It’s highly likely that it’s part of yours too. Being judged by others, perceiving I was being judged by others, judging myself AND the big one….JUDGING OTHERS!
What I’ve discovered is that judgement in any of it’s forms is revealing. Mostly I’ve discovered that where I find myself judging others, it is revealing yet another part of me that is unhealed. A part of me that I’m unwilling to face.
What’s Your Normal?
It’s like anything, the more accustomed we grow to a certain way of being and doing, the more ‘normal’ it seems to become to us and those around us, who’ve adopted a similar ethos at least! For some it may take an obvious form. For others it may be more sugar-coated. Regardless of it’s form, when we find ourselves in that place, there is a real danger of becoming so accustomed to believing that our opinion is FACT that we lose sight of what really matters – connecting with people’s hearts and leaning into what is really going on. Usually right there, deep down on the inside of us!
When anything has become ‘normal’ we usually have to work quite hard to de-program that particular habit or behaviour to replace it with something different. So it actually takes you and I to recognise when this becomes an issue, followed by a desire to make a change and move forward into a less judgemental, more accepting space.
I’m Sorry for Judging You
I’ll confess that at a young age I succumbed to passing judgement as a way of living and breathing. It became my normal. However, as time passed, I knew deep inside of me that something about that way of being brought little satisfaction to me. In fact, it did the opposite. There were occasions I distinctly remember how heartbroken I felt as I realised how hurt someone had been who was on the receiving end of my (and others) judgements.
I felt such remorse. “I’m sorry for judging you!” was the cry from the deepest part of my heart. I desperately wanted to be someone other than THAT person. It brought about a curiosity in me to know WHY I behaved that way. What triggered that response in me?
Judgement v. Disagreement
Right here, I feel the need to clarify that disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean that we’re judging them. Since when is everybody supposed to think exactly the same way as everyone else?!
I’ve learnt that I can disagree with someone on any range of issues and still have a deep, genuine acceptance of them as a human being. That has not always been my natural default. I value humanity and the differences we’ve been designed with. So I made it my business to learn how to judge less and love more.
There is a whole other story behind how and why that happened for me. But I’ll save that for another time. Sadly, the line is ridiculously blurred on this in so many spaces right now.
The Judgement Response
Firstly, as a parent can I say that the example we set for our children is so VITAL! If judgement spews out of our mouths, toward many or few, our kids will take notice. Trust me. I know! Home is where it all begins.
Secondly, to anyone imposing judgement. Judging a person actually doesn’t define who they are. It defines who you are. As I mentioned earlier, if there is need for someone to pass judgement or assume they know something about someone that is merely an opinion or here-say, that usually reflects a world of unhealed hurt and pain inside of themselves.
Third, as I said before, judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. I’ve always heard it said that anyone who hands out judgement will be judged even more harshly by others. Now that’s ‘reaping what you sow!’ Eeek! Not exactly what I want to be ‘reaping.’ How about you?
Perhaps one of the biggest pearls of wisdom I’ve gained through my adult life and my quest to work this through is that:
“Everyone has untold stories of pain and sadness that make them love and live a little differently than you do. Stop judging, instead try to understand.”Anonymous
Oh my goodness! I know this so well. Professionally and personally, I see this all the time. So when I see judgement fly from someone’s lips, I can usually see right into that space in their heart where the pain is illuminated from.
So next time we’re tempted to spew out a ‘judgement’ toward some unsuspecting human being…OR…we find ourselves being subject to the judgement of someone else, maybe we can ask ourselves this question:
What insecurity, need, or limitation is this highlighting in me (The Judger) right now?Glenda O’Neill
This question, as we ask it of ourselves, requires a whole lot of deep honesty and reflection. It can be very confronting. Sometimes leaving a deep sense of shame. When we ask this question in relation to someone else’s judgement toward us, it may even produce a little empathy. However, it’s when we reach THAT point, that we can begin to move forward to a place of deeper internal healing that has the potential to restore an internal calm and peace to our inner world.
I was going to talk about judgement toward ourselves. But I think that could be another blog all of it’s own. Here’s a quick read if you’re keen to hear another professional take on judging yourself and others and the negative impact it has on us: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-addiction-connection/201505/why-judging-others-is-bad-you
“I’m sorry for judging you!” may just be one of the most profound heart responses you could have in your quest to heal your heart (maybe even the hearts of others in your world) right now. If, like me, you’re not okay with settling and living from a place of ‘judgement’ I encourage you to explore your inner world with a level of courage and honesty like never before!