The more wisdom and knowledge I gain by growing older, the more my physical body starts to get quirky. Just when I feel like I’m starting to really know and accept myself, it turns out my body is on the decline. It’s a damn shame the process is so backwards. I’m far from an old woman, but I am starting to show some real signs of aging in my late forties.

I wake up with chin hairs a mile long

I’m not sure about you, but I wake up with razor sharp chin hairs that are suspiciously long. I’m not sure what happens while I sleep, but I could slice a frozen banana with the hair from my chin. And how do they just appear over night? I have a pair of tweezers hidden in every room of my house now in case of emergencies. Thank you aging face.

Shaving has become an Olympic event

I know I should just give in and get laser hair removal, but it seems too expensive and painful. I suppose no more painful than contorting my body into weird postures to shave all the parts that I can’t get to as easily anymore. Gravity is beginning to take over a little bit. Thank you aging body.

I’m tired of eating my greens

Every time I open my freezer the ice cream tells me to grab a bowl and enjoy. When I stand in my pantry, the peanut butter pretzels invite me to open the lid and dive right in. Where is my self control? I should have enjoyed sugar and carbs more when I was younger because my body never seemed to mind then. Now, I just get bloated and can’t button my jeans. Thank you aging body.

I can’t remember what I’m looking for or find anything

I often find myself lost in my own house with no clue what I’m looking for. It’s quite frustrating. I frequently end up in my bedroom closet staring blankly at my clothes wondering what the hell I’m doing in there. And, when I know what I’m looking for, it seems like it takes me forever to find it. How many different places could I leave my keys? Why don’t I ever check the top of my head for my sunglasses? Sometimes, I am on my phone and wondering where my phone could be. Thank you aging mind.

I probably pee my pants more than a preschooler

My bladder control is not as reliable as it used to be. The slightest urge to pee has to be taken very seriously. I have definitely peed in my pants a little while laughing with friends, holding chair pose in yoga class and bending over to grab something. It doesn’t take much to have leaks these days. The trampoline is definitely off limits. Thank you aging bladder.

I have no idea what language teenagers speak

I swore I’d be cool forever. Now, I have teenagers who speak a language I can’t seem to understand. Does anyone have any idea what their kids are saying anymore? I can’t make sense of any of the slang that goes on between them and their friends. Thank you aging ego.

I can’t stay up late anymore

Most nights, I am already yawning at 8:30. How lame. And, my body knows exactly when it’s 10 pm because I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. On the rare evening that I stay up until midnight, I can’t seem to get myself out of bed the next morning. I feel like I have a hangover just from staying up too late. Is that a thing? Thank you aging body clock.

I am learning to make peace with all of the lopsided bits, wrinkles, rolls, and oddities that come with aging. And, I know without all of those wrinkles I would not have any stories to tell or memories to keep. The truth is, there is something incredibly beautiful about an older woman. Here’s to all the aging women out there – behold your own beauty because you are truly in full bloom!