The milestones of being a girl mom and raising daughters is priceless. Parenting comes with surprises every turn. Imagine my new delight at the engagement of my daughter. A feeling I never expected. My daughter is getting married and I’m getting a son to love. After years of being a girl mom, this is so amazing!
Before I Was a Girl Mom, I Once Raised Boys
When my oldest daughter was a toddler, I foster parented at-risk boys for a group home with my former husband. I so loved my daughter and loved all those boys like they were my own. They were part of our family and with almost each one, I discussed adoption with my husband. It was hard to let them go and see them move on to new placements. When we found out we were having twins, we had to step away from the group home. I was in deep grief.
One Daughter Plus Two More Make Three Girls
When we found out our twins were most likely two girls, I can’t say I was sad, but I had hoped for at least one to be a little boy. I loved the experiences of being a boy mom. One girl plus twin girls made me a girl mom. Being a girl mom has always been full of fun and wonder.
Gender never created any parenting disappointments for me. In fact, my experiences with the group home boys prepared me with many tools that served me well for parenting girls. The important parts of parenting, I discovered, are so gender-neutral. Never thinking too far ahead, I have enjoyed my daughters and the boys that came around with them like nephews, boyfriends, dates and all the fun they bring.
Daughters Dating Boys vs Daughters Marrying Men
As my daughters have dated, we always discussed topics related. Some of these include relationship boundaries, healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns, physical and emotional intimacy with boys and girls in mind. I viewed all their boyfriends with the same care and concern as a mother of boys while taking protective approaches for the safety of my girls.
When my daughter first met her fiancé, there was a very different feeling with him. He was rock solid. They both bring out the very best in each other and they radiate love and joy abundantly. It was clear in the early stages to me, this might be the one for my daughter. I began calling him my future son-in-law once they were in a committed stage of their relationship.
The day he called me to come over for a chat, I knew what was coming. He came to get the green light on his proposal and of course, he already had it. “We don’t sell our daughters to marry off in exchange for cattle anymore.” I told him “So, of course.”
My Daughter’s Getting Married
The engagement was celebrated and with wedding plans on the horizon. We couldn’t be happier for my daughter that she found her person. And as the girls discuss plans (the colors, dresses, venue, cake) it dawned on me that this man marrying my daughter is also going to be my son now. I’m getting a new son!
Building A New Relationship With My New Son
Just as I have wanted to be mindful of my daughters (their feelings, desires, likes and activities) I know I have to begin to cultivate a new safe and trusting relationship with my newest family member, my son-in-law. I joke with him that “I don’t want to be the overbearing mother in law so he has my permission to let me know if that happens.” He usually laughs when I say this.
I really do want to be respectful of him. My new role as his other mother I don’t take lightly and someday even grandma to his children. I’m no longer the primary relationship for my daughter since she has a partner, and yet, it brings me so much joy. As I step into new knowledge of my sweet, kind, talented, wise, hardworking son-in-law to be. I’m fulfilled. He cooks, he has hobbies, he’s helpful, generous, honest, polite, and I can see already how much he’s bringing not only to my daughter’s life but also my twins and myself.
Finally, I’m getting a son, and the hard part is already been done for me thanks to his wonderful mom. I get to enjoy dinners, bbqs, family holidays and birthdays and watch their love continue to blossom. Can’t wait for this next chapter in my family’s story.
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the writer and do not necessarily represent those of The We Spot, its employees, sponsors, or affiliates.
