I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for almost twenty-five years. We bonded over deep belly laughter and amazing sex. That grew into sharing our perspective and finding out our values. We stand up for what we believe in and want to truly be heard. We don’t make decisions based on the opinions of others and follow our gut instincts. Sounds pretty great, huh? Yeah, when it doesn’t annoy me.
Twenty-five years is a long time to get to know someone. And, I’m still learning. Mostly about myself. I could make a long list of the things that annoy me about my husband and I’m sure his list is probably longer for me, but I’m not a finger pointer. I am a runner.
When I feel challenged I want to run. I want to run away so that I can avoid discomfort. I want to ignore how I feel and let someone else feel it. As I get older, I’m learning that this practice only hurts me. Instead, I’m learning that what annoys me usually has to do with me.
Having a consistent place to land matters
My husband has his feet planted firmly on the ground. I have gotten bored and frustrated with this many times in our relationship. How can someone be so predictable? He can. It annoys me. And, I am a better person because of it. I change my mind by the second about life. I want to wander and explore and get lost. But I also know that I can’t function like that for very long to get out of life what I want. My husband brings me back to what is real and right now.
Laughter fills my soul
My husband and I laugh hard together. Every day. However, when things need to be serious, my husband still wants to joke. His humor isn’t always timely and it annoys me to the point of anger. But, I can’t imagine anyone else being able to make me laugh the way he does. And, I have learned, laughter is as necessary for me as breathing. I would be dead without it.
Finishing the little things is important
My husband takes care of the things I pay no attention to. He fixes the things that I would let stay broken. He follows up on the things I forget about. And, he finishes projects and puts everything away as soon as he is done. I admire these skills and they also annoy me. All of that organization can get in the way of spontaneity and fun. I get distracted easily and it’s not always exciting for me to stay on task. I like to focus on things that are fun. Thank goodness I have a husband that sticks with things even when he doesn’t want to. It’s a valuable lesson for me.
Accountability is the best teacher
My husband and I are both pretty calm communicators. Rarely do we raise our voices at each other or slam doors. We also stay away from the silent treatment. Instead, we talk about what did not go so well and this can be annoying. Hearing about your shortcomings and flaws is not at the top of my list. It annoys me to hear that I reacted poorly to something or that I could have made a better decision. We hold each other accountable for our actions because we care about our relationship. It allows us to learn about ourselves and grow as humans.
I have the freedom to be me
I need room to breathe and explore. My decisions can be pretty last-minute. I prefer to lead with my heart. I’m pretty opposite of my partner in matters of the mind and that can be very annoying. My husband loves ALL of me anyway. Wholeheartedly. He gives me space when I’m struggling, shows up for me (even when he is mad) and understands me, even if he doesn’t always like me. We appreciate each other the way we are without expecting the kind of change that would lead us away from our true selves.
Marriage is hard work (for some tips, read more here)! Yes, I get annoyed frequently with my husband and I also value our relationship. It is one of growth and self-reflection. It’s not perfect or exciting all of the time, and we both recognize those things are perfectly normal in any relationship. I can be annoyed and like my marriage at the same time.