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I No Longer Show Up For My Family

“Make sure to always show up for your family, work, commitments,” etc. is a great wake up call – motivator when you are feeling out of sorts or unmotivated. It becomes an unhealthy mindset when you are giving life your best effort and begin to think you are not enough. I no longer show up FOR my family, I have chosen to show up WITH my family.

This subtle shift has made a huge impact in 3 areas of my life:

  1. Comparison: If I see how my friend shows up FOR her family, I begin to wonder if I should show up for my family the same way.
  2. Expectations: When I am constantly showing up FOR my family, then I expect the same from them. No breaks, no breathers, nothing. Because I don’t get them as a mom. So they have to show up FOR the family, too.
  3. Competition: As a competitive gal I’m constantly working to be a better version of myself. This can be really unhealthy when I’m showing up FOR my family and I have a bad day. I tear myself apart, try to figure out a new way to do things; instead of allowing myself to have a bad day and regroup for the next day.

Instead of showing up FOR my family, showing up WITH my family has helped in several ways.

First, I celebrate the ways I care for our home, and the role I play as wife and mom. Then, if I see a friend doing something neat with her people, I ask myself, “Do I want to do that? Is there a part of this that would make sense for us?” Instead of thinking I “should” add to my already full plate.

Another way this shift has helped me as a human is I love better.

I am able to accept the humanity of those around me and allow that they are doing their best. This helps with my immediate family, close friends, peers, and neighbors. I give them grace, because I first give it to myself.

The last way this has helped, is choosing to believe I am a wonderful and loving person. Who I am today, how I show up, is my best. Sometimes it’s not, and there are people around me who let me know. However, most days the way I show up WITH those around me is excellent. I don’t need to constantly be questioning and wondering how to make every moment better.

Granted, there are seasons of massive growth and I’m constantly conditioning my mind, just like an Olympic athlete.

That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m suggesting that when you do work on your thought patterns, reflect on the way you interact with others, allow wisdom to be spoken into your life, then it’s time to breathe and accept yourself. Acknowledge your hard work and believe, “Yes, I am constantly growing and amazing. My best today is of worth and value. And I will build upon it tomorrow.”

If you read this blog, then you are a woman of integrity and great character. I encourage you, for one week, tell yourself to show up WITH your family, friends, peers, coworkers and let me know if anything shifts. For me I’ve seen a shift in my confidence, decrease in stress, and willingness to fail.

Trish Russell

Trish’s journey to becoming a Trauma Advocate began in 2009 when she returned home from Afghanistan broken and unaware. Once she realized how much her brain had changed from her experience in a combat zone she committed to figuring out what life would look like with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It took 8 years for her to realize there would never be a cure; however, she has mastered exercises and techniques that have made it possible for her to design her new normal and live a life she’s proud to share with her family and friends.

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