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Repairing Your Relationship After A Big Fight

No matter how aligned you might be with your partner on most things, no matter how much you may love each other, arguments and fights do happen. Someone might be in the wrong or it might simply be a case of clashing wants or needs. After the argument is done, the raw feelings it caused might still be there. As such, we’re looking at some of the steps you can take to repair the damage done, to grow, and to form a stronger bond after.

Consider Your Perspectives

It’s important to understand how arguments like this boil to the surface and to understand what they might mean for your relationship. You should talk about your and your partner’s perspective on important issues, to make sure that you are on the same page, for instance. Arguments can boil from misunderstandings very easily, but it may be the case that there is a gap between your expectations that has to be addressed or it may prove a dealbreaker in your relationship.

Reflect And Learn

If an argument gets very heated, it may well be a sign that you haven’t learned to communicate as a couple as well as you might like to. A licensed therapist or couples counselor such as David Tzall, Clinical Psychologist, can provide a neutral space to explore the underlying issues that led to the fight. They can offer strategies and techniques to improve communication, manage conflicts, and strengthen the relationship. You can also learn the tools that can help you communicate more effectively and to listen better, allowing you and your partner to develop better empathy for one another.

Set Boundaries For Yourself

Arguments can get out of hand, especially if they’re unexpected. With emotions running high, both of you may say things that you do not mean and would never say otherwise. Establishing clear boundaries and creating solutions for future conflicts is a proactive way to heal and prevent similar fights. Discuss and agree on boundaries that respect each other’s needs and limits. For example, if certain topics tend to escalate into big fights, agree on a way to approach those subjects calmly and respectfully. Finding your conflict resolution tools, such as taking timeouts or even safe words for when to stop communicating and take some space, can be helpful.

Be Mindful Of Patterns

While your first focus might be on repairing your relationship, it’s important to be aware of when an argument might be a sign of deeper issues. You may not want to jump straight to thinking it’s abuse, but being aware of the patterns of abuse, if fights become more common, can help you develop a sense of when you might need to start looking for a way to safeguard yourself, first and foremost. Even when there’s some room for doubt, your safety is the most important thing.

It’s important to learn how to not only heal from an argument but to be mindful of its impact on your relationship as it goes on.  Protecting yourself comes first and foremost.

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse in a relationship please find help with one of these international domestic violence resources.

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