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The Problem with Broken: Stop Describing Yourself That Way

I hear people say ALL the time that they are “broken.” As a therapist, I would be a rich person if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone describe themselves this way. The terminology is not only reserved for use in the therapy room, I hear it in so many other places too. Songs, quotes, books, you name it. Being a “broken” person has become a norm these days, and I don’t like it. It really rubs me the wrong way when I hear people say it. Why? Because you are SO much more than that!

I hear people of all backgrounds and beliefs say it. Some believe that it takes God to make them whole again. Some believe that they can do it on their own. And other’s believe that no matter what, they will never be whole again. No matter what your belief system is, I want you to keep reading because this applies to all of you.

What Makes Us Broken?

Let’s talk for a second about what actually constitutes the usage of this word. Usually, a negative or traumatic event has occurred, and the person affected believes that it has taken something from them. A piece of themselves, a broken heart, something that is extremely difficult to recover from.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I have PLENTY of situations that have happened in my life that in some people’s eyes should make me broken. Sexual abuse, my mom disappearing, the death of my brother, my dad, and people I love dearly. Loss of relationships. The list goes on.

I know I’m not unique in this. ALL of us have things that have happened to us that are heart wrenching. A big huge punch in not only the gut, but the soul. Things that have rocked us to the core and left us feeling like we weren’t quite sure how we could find the strength to keep moving forward.

Here’s the thing… EVEN in those hard times, you still have what it takes to move forward. For me, I know that the things I had to face didn’t BREAK me. They taught me, molded me, stretched me, and grew me. Where they painful? Hell yes! And, they all shaped me into the person I am today. Same goes for you.

So Stop Speaking Death Over Yourself.

We have a choice to speak life or death over ourselves. Saying you are broken is like saying you’re done for. And I can tell you this, you still have too much to give to the world to be done for. Too much light to continue to shine, even in your darkest hour.

You ARE NOT broken. Watch how you talk about yourself and the reference being made. When we think of something as broken, what do we typically do? We throw it away. Get rid of it. We don’t have a use for it anymore. If it’s not in its original working order, there is something wrong with it. Especially in our culture today, we want something shiny and new. It does not meet the standard of perfect if it’s broken. Therefore, it must go.

Do you realize you’re speaking about yourself in the same way?

You’re Not Broken, You’re _________

Fill in the bank with what fits for you. You are not broken, You are… mended, healing, growing, transforming, reshaping, grieving, mourning, processing, putting yourself back together, learning, strengthening, coming into your own. You are moving forward. You’re doing what needs to be done to put all the pieces back together. One by one. Sometimes is slow. Sometimes it’s not. Either way, you’re doing it. You are not laying on the the floor in a thousand pieces, and accepting that fate. I know you’re far too powerful for that.

Speak LIFE over yourself. Pick yourself up. Stop calling yourself broken.

Symbolic Art of Self Restoration…

Have you ever heard of Kintsugi? I remember hearing about it a few years ago and I was completely in love right away. It’s such a beautiful analogy for our own lives. Kintsugi is a form of Japanese art, in which broken pottery is mended and transformed by using gold. They do not throw away broken pottery, instead they make it more beautiful and unique through highlighting its cracks.

We ARE Kintsugi. It’s not just an analogy for pottery, its one for ourselves. We have cracks, we have been through HARD stuff, and it’s time we learn to HIGHLIGHT and embrace those experiences that make us truly us.

It’s time to let our cracks and imperfections show. We all have them! We have to stop trying to hide them and present with the perfect presentation of ourselves. This is what leads us to being “broken” in the first place. Because NONE of us can live up to that expectation. We cannot truly present ourselves with the total absence of flaws. Once we learn to embrace them and see them for the beauty they bring, then we can learn to truly own who we are. ALL of who we are. Not just the perfect parts.

This is such an amazing analogy for our lives! If you want to know more about this form of art you can read more HERE. And… you can keep reading to find out about an opportunity for you do make a piece yourself!

Moving Forward with Support

Whether you believe it right now or not, I want you to say this out loud. Heck, scream it at the top of your lungs if you will. “I AM UNBREAKABLE.” Say it again… “I AM UNBREAKABLE.” How does that feel? Does it resonate with you? Maybe it doesn’t, but you wish that it did. Or, maybe it’s beginning to sink in, but you’ve still got some work and some healing to do to fully own it.

If that’s the case, we have created a SPECIAL event just for you! A time and space to learn to shed the skin that keeps you small. The mindset of “broken” is part of that old skin. It doesn’t fit you anymore. We want to help you let it go and move forward owning your imperfections, circumstances, and things that have happened. To walk forward in empowerment with your head held high! No matter where you are in the healing process.

If this resonates with you, come and join us September 6th and 7th in Loveland, Colorado for our event: UNBREAKABLE: Finding Strength in Imperfection. It’s going to be just what you need! Click HERE to find out all the info and to snag your ticket! You will be creating your OWN piece of Kintsugi to take home! This way you will always have something to look at and remind you that…


Sarah Monares

Sarah is the founder and creator of The We Spot. She is a Colorado native and she absolutely loves to travel yet, feels blessed to live in a place where she also loves coming back home. She has two awesome kids, and has been married to her hubby for 12 years. Sarah is passionate about helping women make authentic connections with their true selves. She is a counselor and a business and life coach/mentor, as well as a speaker, and author. More than anything she loves belly laughing, coffee, vulnerability, authentic connection, adventure, ice cream, horses, QT with her fam, and seeing women walk in the full power of all they were created to be.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Jim

    Thank you for this post… I am in a band and we just settled on the name of the band. I have been a bit torn on the decision, but we ended up with Broken Daisies. It fits the vibe of our band as an indie rock band whose lyrics are deep, soulful, and spiritual. We also strive to be relevant. Our logo is a bent (not completely broken) daisy. Our message, although not spelled is similar to your post in that a bent or broken stem can be mended with care. Like a cast or tape on a broken leg. For some, the tape might represent time, friendship, faith, music, or any number of things. Our desire is to resonate with people’s pain and gently encourage hope. Maybe we went too far with the word, “broken” but I see that it can lead to hope and Kintsugi! Thank you for your writing. I am also a counselor and artist.

    1. Sarah Monares

      Thank you for your comment Jim. We will have to check out your band. Love your name and the concept!

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