I know. I know. As women, sex can be the last thing on our lists. It was for me for a long time. By the time I was done with work, kids, homework, cooking, friends and all the random tasks associated with being human, the last thing I wanted was sex. At least, that’s what I thought. I was too exhausted for sex most of the time. And you know what? It was making me grumpy. Every time I saw couples making out on TV I wished I had that kind of pleasure. What I was missing was that I just had to DECIDE to put some effort into it. I was tired of not having fun under the sheets and exploring the intimacy I craved.
Research shows while satisfaction usually goes up during the first year a couple is together, it typically begins a slow and steady decline after that. It seems that most people become bored with sexual routines pretty easily. When we are in a committed relationship having sex with one person, the same way, every time, the excitement tends to wear off. However, if you are willing to put a little effort, you can transform your sexual relationship with your partner.
Create the Right Atmosphere
Creating a relaxed atmosphere is critical to having great sex. The more comfortable you and your partner feel, the easier it will be for everyone to have a good time. Here are a few things to try:
- Dim the lights or light some candles – having sex in a brightly light room can make some people self-conscious.
- Keep your bedroom clean and inviting – familiarity can often make us complacent. Just because you’re married or living with your partner doesn’t mean you should stop dating them.
- Get in touch with all of your senses. Wear something sexy (sight), invest in some massage oil (smell and touch), experiment with food (taste), or play some music in the background (sound). Of course, you don’t have to do all of these at once. But, the more you can stay present in your senses, the more you can tune into your body.
Non Sexual Behavior Matters
Remember when you used to flirt with your partner? It helps keep the passion alive. Non-sexual behaviors really matter too. Show your partner that you are interested in them. Think of things like random acts of kindness. Small gifts for no reason, helping with things when they are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, or as simple as making them dinner or their favorite drink. Really listening to them and offering a safe space. Staying emotionally connected is important.
Change Up Your Sexual Positions
You probably guessed it, the missionary position is the most common position. While this is great for kissing and skin on skin contact, there are many other positions you and your partner can explore that can give more pleasure. By switching up positions, you can adjust penetration and explore different erogenous zones. Plus you can use them for your own pleasure! Always be mindful of your own bodies, flexibility, and physical limitations.
Introduce Sex Toys
Using sex toys does not mean your partner is not performing. They are a creative and fun way that you and your partner can explore different forms of stimulation. Research shows that couples who use sex toys with one another tend to be more sexually satisfied. Drop any thoughts that sex toys are shameful. That is why they are called toys – they are fun to explore. And in today’s world, you don’t have to visit a store anymore, you can order online.
Get a Hotel Room
The bedroom is the most common place for sex, but it doesn’t have to be the only place you have sex.
Sometimes just changing up locations can give sex that extra boost that it needs. This can involve having sex in different rooms of the house, or maybe even getting a hotel room.
This can be a little more challenging for couples with kids, but it just requires a little extra coordination to plan your venue change around times when you have a sitter or when the kids are off to a sleepover.
It doesn’t matter so much where you go—just find an environment where you both feel free and comfortable to be as loud as you want and really explore each other’s bodies.
Leave Sensual Love Notes For Each Other
Nowadays we have texting and social media which defeats the purpose but don’t forget this long lost tactic! If you live with your partner, try leaving random love notes around the house where you know your partner will see them. This activity will benefit the both of you as it will require creativity on your part and the result will be a smile or turned on partner. It will benefit your partner by showing them your appreciation and love for them.
Think about the excitement you would get from reading a thankful, loving, sexy written note from the love of your life.
This simple task surely goes a long way. Try it!
Sexting can be a hot way to remind your partner throughout the day that you’re thinking of them…naked.
This isn’t about sending pictures of your body parts; rather, it’s about sending steamy messages that will really get them going and show them how irresistible you think they are.
For example, you might talk about what you want to do the next time you have sex, talk about past encounters you’ve had together that were really hot, tell them how much they turn you on, or share your fantasies.
The best tips on how to spice up your sex life often require some thought. So, display the creativity of your brain, which is your biggest sex organ, after all.
The Benefits of a Fun Sex Life
Sex is good for us both physically and psychologically. It’s also good for our relationships, so it’s important to find ways to keep sex fun and interesting so that it doesn’t become predictable. In fact, the more fun sex is, the more often you’ll likely want it, so don’t let yourself fall into a rut.
And if you have fallen into a rut, yes, it can be challenging to get started again, so start with some non sexual behaviors at first and have some fun! It will lead to physical contact before you know it. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them – it always starts there!