“Dear Body, You were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with your size, your curves, your scars, your flaws, your stretch marks or you. It’s not your job to look like the people in magazines. It’s not your job to look pretty. You’re good enough already.” -Unknown

I spent over twenty years trying to change the outside of my body because I thought I didn’t measure up. I hated my body so much that I crammed my head down a toilet bowl and threw up my insides. You could find me at the gym working out until exhaustion, on a scale judging my worth by a number, in the kitchen staring at delicious food I wouldn’t let myself eat or crying in my shower because I felt like the battle would never end. It consumed me.

I talked myself into believing I didn’t measure up

I was a good actress. No one knew my self worth was at an all time low. Hell, I didn’t even really know how bad it was either. I was too busy never being satisfied with my body. I put so much time and effort into a flatter stomach, a smaller butt and leaner thighs that I drove myself mad. The constant self judgment and comparison was the only voice I would trust. It was not a good place to be, but it was my truth at the time.

Too many years of unhealthy behaviors and constant negative self talk around my body was truly stopping me from living a healthy and happy life, and being present in most moments. The mind is a powerful tool and believes whatever messages it receives (from you or others). I convinced myself and truly believed that my worth was directly related to the shape of my body. It was professionally recommended to me that I start an eating disorder treatment and I admitted myself in 2015. It’s been one of the most challenging paths I’ve ever walked, but I’m finally finding me and you know what? I’m worthy as hell and so are you!

The skin you are in is all yours – own that shit!

How often do we see and/or hear messages that tell us we need to change our appearance? We need whiter teeth, bigger breasts, longer eyelashes, tighter tummies, firmer skin, etc. F#@k that! There is way too much unrealistic pressure to look a certain way in our society. I’d rather invest in personal growth, education, and supporting those in need. And, who is the expert on how someone should look anyway? It’s not a crime to have skinny legs, full hips, small breasts or a full backside. Get over yourself beauty industry! My beauty comes from the inside. I’m intelligent, strong, confident, aware and kind, and that, girl, is sexy as hell!

You are not the voices that criticize you!

If you had family members ridicule your body growing up I wish I could take that pain away for you. Were you bullied in school because of your body shape or size? You didn’t deserve it! If something happened to you that made you feel like your body was shameful, I am so very sorry. If you were made to believe that there was an ideal body type for women, I want to wrap my arms around you and apologize that you were lied to. You are not those voices. Girl, that is not your truth!

You are valuable and worthy just as you are!

Self worth is the opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself. Being aware of  your own value is not something most of us spend much time with and it needs to change! It’s easy for most of us to identify when we feel inadequate, or like we don’t measure up. When we don’t look like all the TV, magazine or social media images we are bombarded with, it can create a lot of pressure and discontent. Did you know only about 5% of American women have the genetics to make it possible to look like the images we are seeing? No wonder most of us feel like a failure in the body department. Beautiful goddess, your worth is never determined by the outside!

Discover Your Heart!

You are so important and you matter! Your worth has nothing to do with what size your clothes are or what you look like in a bathing suit. Those visual things have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or what you are capable of. Stop judging yourself! You are beautiful just the way you are, and you are valued by those that love you because of your heart and all the amazing gifts you bring to this world. Anyone who makes you feel different is not worthy of your time. Let them go judge someone else because those negative things that they project are about their own insecurities. By no means do you have to tolerate that negative energy in your presence. Your heart is what matters.

Change your body only for you!

If you want to change your body for you, then go for it, girl! Don’t you dare change your body for all the haters, all the bullshit diets, the online trolls or because you feel like your worth depends on it. Your body is a shell that protects all the important pieces and parts to keep you healthy. Love on it and nurture it for a change. You don’t have to like the way you look all the time. I don’t always love the way I look, but, I’ve stopped beating myself up over it. You can meet yourself where you are and tell yourself you are worthy and valued even when you don’t like the image in the mirror, because the two have nothing to do with each other.

What now?

I’m not saying that you can just wake up one day and magically believe your body shape has nothing to do with your worth. And, if you already know this, you are a bad ass woman and I want to praise you! It takes an incredible amount of courage to positively believe in your own self worth. And, it takes a brave woman to be exactly who she is in this world. There are many healthy ways to practice positive self worth and acceptance. The first step requires a commitment to yourself and the desire to wake up and find out just how extraordinary you really are!

Here are some resources that have been positive tools for me:

Taryn Brumfit and The Body Image Movement
The Body Image Workbook by Thomas F. Cash, PH.D
National Eating Disorders Association
Eating Disorder Hope